Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand!
Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? A: “Olive or twist?”
Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A: “Please, no stories!”
Q: Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? A. So the Irish would never rule the world!
Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit!
Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? A: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Q: You know what’s fun about being sober? A: Nothing.
Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird
Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
Q: How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? A: They keep falling off the wagon.
Q: How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light? A: He’s the one dancing like an arse!
Q: Why are Men like coolers? A: Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere!
Q: What do you call a man with a shot of whiskey on his head? A: A taxi. Clearly, he’s had too much liquor and is being a nuisance.
Alcohol doesn’t turn people into somebody they’re not. It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.
Life and beer are very similar …..chill for best results.
I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?
I don’t recycle because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.
I’m not an alcoholic alcoholics go to meetings, I’m a drunk, we go to parties.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean…… on tables, chairs & random people.
My body is not a temple…..it’s a distillery with legs.